Monday, November 26, 2007

Stuff this....

Oh Thanksgiving. What can I say. We went to the in laws. It was nice. The food was good. I made pies, 2 pumpkin, 1 apple. The sister-n-law was unimpressed. Apparently her skills at making Stove Top stuffing clearly surpass my homemade pies. She tasted a bit of the apple crust, make a crusty face and then said "Not worth the calories". Thanks, that was real real nice. Please keep the compliments coming.

Thursday night I went to the mall at midnight. Oh God, save us. I am never doing that again. At dinner it sounded like a fun idea, I mean I love to shop right ? Turns out ever 15 year-old and trailer park person were at the mall. And then like 50 people like me and Stuart who were dumb enough to go there. NEVER AGAIN.NO NO NO. We went shopping on Friday, wasn't so bad.

If yous girls aren't busy tommorow night I am going to be at an X96 mixer at Iggy's. It is a sweater mixer. I am not really sure if that means like super fug Christmas sweaters or what the deal is. Matt if you still have that nightie I might need to borrow it. I feel bad even asking because I know you are probably wearing it right now. Any way if you aren't sups biz come on over.

Miscellaneous news:

I decorated my Christmas tree, it looks real real nice.

I love Project Runway. Christian is a bitch and I like it. So far Victorya has made the same dress 2 times. What the hell.

I bought a round brush and it has literally cut my hair styling time in half. I pretty much don't even need a straightener any more. Except for my bangs. But I am convinced that I may developed carpal tunnel from all the wrist action.

X96 wants me to submit an audition track to fill in for Gina while she is busy having babies. I am unsure if that is what I want to do. I don't want to sound desperate you know. I have until Friday to decide if I want to do it or not. I am thinking about it. I think if they choo-choo-choose me I may win a trip to Hawaii. I dunno, I am thinking about it.
and last but not least....

Happy Birthday JANA!!

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Gnome away from Home

Because one needs all the luck they can get, I have recently acquired a desk gnome. His name is Deiter. He is a real gentleman. He just chills here all day, watches my stuff at night you know the usual.
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As you can see he really likes flowers. Did you know on average gnomes live about 400 years. That is a real real long time. In their free time they enjoy dancing and drinking. I mean really who doesn't. Gnomes never go bald and they don't have heart attacks. Their most dangerous enemies are drunken college students. Good news for Deiter, he is safe here.

How are everyones Horn O'Plenties coming along ??

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Deaddles and more

Well turns out that Alex is right, the case was solved. Mom killed the kiddos, decided to burn that mother down and then axed herself. Gross. Now people have left flowers and Jack-O-Lanterns outside the house. I guess in October, pumpkins help you grieve. To each thier own.

Went to the WA last weekend for the Fabulous 50th party. The grandparents have been married 50 years. That is a real real long time. As my grandpa said "Not even a murderer gets 50 years" I would say true in some cases, but not all. Still funny though.

We are back, and there's gonna be trouble. Not really, I just wanted to say that. I think that we should all get together soon, because just because we're busy doesn't mean we don't love each other.

I am a real Bob Vila these days. Well actually just yesterday for about 30 minutes. I helped Stuibabe put in insulation in our crawl space. I cut it apart with some kitchen scissors. I really showed that insulation who is boss. ME. Thats who. Next we tackle PAINT ! Alex, I may need some help, and you have the most experience fo sho.

Well thats all the updates for now. And just so you guys know I am pretty upset about Dog the Bounty Hunter being can celled. I wish he wasn't such a dirty racist. But lets be honest here. He is totally white trash. How did he even end up in Hawaii. It is beyond me. I guess Beth will have to get a job at the IHOP or KFC and Dog will have to cut back on the number of feathers he wears in his hair. Sad sad sad.

Monday, October 29, 2007

A family in our neighborhood was MURDERED!

Not even joking. This is the kind of thing you read about in fiction novels. SAD and SCARY.

It sounds like what could possibly be a quadruple murder. Does it get any scarier than that ? Yesterday around 10:30 am the neighbors noticed the home on fire and called 911. They banged on the doors and windows trying to let the family inside know that the house was on fire, but all the doors and windows were locked. When the fire rescue arrived they got into the home and found 4 bodies in an upstairs bedroom. The bodies were the mother and 3 children and they did not die as a result of the fire. The are ruling it a possible homicide. The cause of the fire and deaths are still undetermined.

This is totally freaking me out, I couldn't sleep last night. I honestly can not even believe that something this terrible happened a few houses away, on a Sunday morning in our regular boring neighborhood. I will update with more info as details are released.

Friday, October 26, 2007

In the spirit of the season....

I thought I'd post a little something to keep all you office folk busy. We all get breaks, but what you do with them is your business. Here is what I do with mine. I got crafty.Eat your heart out Martha Stewart.

Office Cornucopia.

Lets face it, I like the Horn O'Plenty. I always have, so today I decided to create my own, right here at my desk.

1 8 1/2 X 11 sheet of paper
Your favorite items from your desk, or your neighbors desk if you're into stealing.

First position your paper like so:
I used color paper, because I like nice things. But if your office is cheap and only buys you the white 79 brightness crap, use that.

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Bring top left corner of paper down to the opposite corner then curl in toward the center. (Make a cone, OK!). Tape the edges of the paper to secure the shape of your Horn.
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Next choose an assortment of items from your desk to fill your Cornucopia. It is OK to let them flow out a little, I mean it is a horn o'plenty, not a Horn o'just enough. Here are the items I chose:
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Next fill your Horn with all your precious items. Traditionally you are supposed to fill it with the large items first, but sometimes you just gotta jam it in there until it fits.
Here it is half full:
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As Kitty Kwan would say......"ENJOY IT".

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Well thats all for this craft session. Next month I'll show you how to make a wreath out of copy toner and kleenex.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Thats really not my thing...

Updating that is. I just have been a busy busy buzzin bee. I am just sayin I think we should all go to brunch on Sunday. Squatters mmmmmmmmmmkay. Or Market Street. Not that we are Fance, but we deserve nice things.

All is well on the West Side. Except there are no dry cleaners here. Atleast not close. What, I don't deserve to have clean pressed clothes! Yes I DO! So I have to take some to the East Side today when I go get my hurr did. I am getting a cut. Don't freak out, I go in wanting it cut but then usually wimp out and get a nice trim. We will see. It is looking pretty shabby these days.

Not much else is new. I want to learn photoshop and illustrator. My brain is starved for knowledge!!! Ha ha. Not really, but I thinkn that I do need a hobby. Other than being married. That is like a hobby. It is a fun hobby. I mean everyone come see how good we look:
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Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Nothin to see here.....

I had to delete this from the space, so I an just using this as a storage shed.
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Here is more Cheese humor. But it has magic and mustache's so beat that.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

1, 2, 3 and to the 4

I hope yous guys loved that Mika video, because I do. I really really do.My new favorite restaurant is Ruth's Diner. I love it. I have been there twice in less than a week. I am pretty sure that is binge diner'ing.So far I have decided that the caprese sandwich is delicious, the Chinese chicken salad is not so good.So maybe skip that one.

My mom is currently ruining my life in the following ways:
1. She has yet to pay the printer for my wedding invitations, so either I am paying her for them or she is gonna sue me, because that is what I would do.
2. At the wedding she told Kerry Jackson of X96 that I was not ever interested in coming back and filling in for Gina when she has child #3.
3.She is currently giving the cabin with wood walls a wood floor. I think it may feel like a 70's style coffin once it is completed.

Heidi, Civi's jam just came on. Hip Hip. Who is blogging at work listening to X96 ? Oh yeah, it is me.

Can we talk about the Hill's. OMG WTF, Spencer and Heidi are never going to last. If America can not totally tell Spencer is a big faking faker and just wants to be on TV then they should kick their own ass. Also if Lauren gets back with Jason I hope that he takes her for a ride in that stupid antique car and she falls out. LAME WADS. But lets be honest even if it gets real sucky I am still going to watch it. What do you want ? I like TV.

The squirrel that I caught in a bag 2 weekends ago is now craving human flesh. When we were at the cabin last weekend it bit our friend Ned's toe. Not enough to draw blood but I feel like it is dabbling in flesh. So pretty much I turn herbivores into carnivores in 12 seconds or less. In other news I learned how to wake surf, pretty much I am runnin' Jordanelle reservoir.

I think we should all look into volunteering at Sundance, I think that it is the opportunity of a life time and now that we are pretty much adults, I feel like we could manage to be up there with out being total asses. I mean of course we will be a little assy, because we are who we are, but it could be really fun.

Not that this is a big deal because it is Magna, but I wrote a press release for the Credit Union that was printed in the Magna Times, the Kearns Post and the West Valley Journal. Not that I got credited for it in the paper, because that is not how it works, but I am just sayin I wrote that!

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

A Diet Coke and a Pizza please

I honestly love this song. Seriously, I love it.

Monday, August 6, 2007

La carlingue dans les bois.....

This weekend was full of excitement and mystery ! Not so much. But the cabin was fun. I took some sweet photos because I don't think my verbal description was adequate.
Here is the outside of the Cabby:
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It is pretty sweet huh ? There usta be a lot of trees in front there. It was like a regular forest. But then a nasty beetle killed the trees and they had to chop them all down. It was a big deal.
Here is the culprit:
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Here is the Pioneer Bedroom I was telling you about:
The green arrow is Stuart's bed, the pink arrow is my bed.
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I spent most of the weekend trying to capture this squirrel. His name is Chester. He like to eat peanuts. That is his thang.
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All it took was a pair of gloves and this bag:
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I sat quietly in a lawn chair and waited until he crawled into the bag for a tasty nut. They can't resist a tasty nut. Then I grabbed the top iof the bag! Ha ha. I totally trapped him in the bag. Ask Stuarts grama. She was there. And the he started freaking out in the bag and I felt bad so I let him go. No one tell PETA. They will spray paint my face.

That is pretty much it. We rode some four-wheelers. I ate some licorice, and then worked my Ass off at the gym from licorice guilt.

This week I am taking Friday off to get my name changed. So after Friday I will be JT forever. And since Lindsay Lohan is in town for Rehab Matt and I are going to try to stalk, I mean visit her. We got camera's like the paparazzi. Remember that time we made Mary-Kate Cookies but then we just ate them instead. Maybe we can take Lindsay and 8-ball and bottle of Jack Daniels.

Does anyone know hot to get to Sundance, UT?

I bought a pair of never worn True Religion jeans at the DI for $6 USD. Yeah I know, I am a genius.

I also plan on selling my TI-83 calculator on Ebay. The going rate is about $50. Pretty much I am gonna be rich. I am just sayin.

10-4 Good Buddies.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

You do too know this song!!

Ha! Matt! YOu do too know this song. I knew it !

Sorry that I pretty much know like every song that the Bayou band plays.

Stuart was really glad I renewed our membership.

This ones for Heidi....

This just in.....

Lily Allen does Plushies and Furries.
Exhibit A:
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Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Itty Bitty Baby

Oh yeah, Nicole Richie is knocked up. BIG SURPRISE. She is so skinny you can see that babies face through her belly!

Here is what I think the wee babe will look like:
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This and that.

I am pretty sure that Joey Fatone was never cool. Or hot. He just wasn't. Even when NSync was the bomb, the bomb. He still wasn't cool then. I sort of forgot about him until I was channel surfing last night and I saw his ugly mug on some stupid singing show. He sucks at like. He has a mullet. A MULLET ! and not the fashionable kind, the stupid kind. I hate him.

I bought a plant. A live one. It is an Orchid, so pretty muchit will be dead in a matter of days, but we will see. Lets be honest, I kill things. I make them not want to live anymore. Thats why I am not having kids.

I think Dan the Man has dementia. I swear to God she never remembers anything I tell her. I think she forgot my name today. Also I think she is friends with this Mega-Lez truck driving real estate agent who looks like a dude. I am just sayin, I am a little nervous about it.

Stuart and I have started working on our fitness. I love the new gym. It is like working out in First Class on Delta. They have cold towels. COLD TOWELS. A little butler comes and gives them to you when you are working out. It is like an octane boost for my work out. SERIOUS.

Not much else is new. I am almost done with our Thank You notes, so stand near your mailbox.

I just remembered that the reason I was going to post is beacue I really really want some sweet rubber rain boots. I am thinking striped, or black and white plaid. I have a vision. It involves a black sweater, jeans and some hot rain boots. I am in love with the rain boot idea. Just wait. IT is going to be the best purchase of my life, thus far.

Shut up. I am getting them. They will be such an upgrade from the booties from last winter. Wait for it.

Well I gotta get back to workin my looks,

Excuse my Beauty.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Excuse my Beauty.

This is why I am never going to New Mexico or Arizona.

Sorry that I only like to post videos but this tranny is hot hot bitch who deserves to get recognized.

Monday, July 30, 2007

The wave of the Future...

I saw this on someone else's blog and knew I had to shareit with the world. It is the future of exercise. Forget Sit and Be Fit, tell that old braod to hit the bricks. This is the new form of fitness.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Damaged Goods.

So I have returned for my wilderness adventure damaged goods. The wild chewed me up and spit me out. Really. Rafting was fun but the water was mega cold. Turns out it is just some glacier run-off. You know, nature's ice water. So freezing my ass off was pretty sweet.

Then I decided to jump off a cliff into the river, by doing do I punched my self in the nose and cut my forehead. I have battle scars. SCARS!

Good news. R. Kelley is coming out with a new edition of Trapped in da Closet !!!! I know. It really made my day too! Who am I kidding it made my century. I hope he uses that same Midge from the last one. In case you are not up to date on the latest "closet" happenings, here is a quick catch up.

This is only parts 1-5, later I will post 6-9 so you will be totally with it.

In my quest for fantastic music videos, I also found this.

Love it.

Being married is still fun. But really it feels like the same, but my address has changed. It seems like we are always really really busy. I totally pioneered my ass off on Tuesday. Not only did I clean my house enough to make a sister wife jealous, but I hit up the mother F'in rodeo. I had never been, it was quite excellent. Kathy AKA Rae Bird and I were on the jumbo tron doing the YMCA. I think that may have been one of the most exciting times of her life. She loved it. Then a cowboy on a buckin bull got bucked right into an ambulance. Apparently it jacked up his face and he was bleeeeeeeeding. That bull riding is serious biznass. But apparently you can make a pretty penny if you can sit your ass on a buckin bull for 8 seconds.

So that is the latest. Stuarts brother got married. It was different than what I thought it would be, but still pretty. The brides mother remembered to put me in my place, by kindly reminding me "You had your day !" She is a gem, that one.
Here are a few highlights:

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The Taylor Fam

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Me and Kevi-babe.

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Those "other" Taylors, you know, the hot ones.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Spice Forever.... MAJOR

Listen. I am super serious baout seeing the Spice Girls reunion. Who is with me ? Tell me what ya want, what you really really want! I really really really wanta go to the show. Ahhhhhh.

Seriously. They are hot. We are going. Tickets are a little expensive, but I feel it is worth it. I plan on entering every contest possible to win them. You watch, I will do it.

The Vegas show is 12/8/07 so that give us plenty of time to plan and go.

Do it to it !!!!

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Workin on my tan lines....

Oooga Chace Oooga Chaca. I have been thinking about that damn dancing baby from Ally McBeal. Who even watched that. Not me. Well ok, obvioudly I did because I know about the dancing baby.

Today is Cyprus Lagoon day. Apparently Scott is my date because my own husband doesn't even want to go, let alone my friends. I am not gonna lie, I can't blame you guys. But I feel like I should go because I am expected to be there. So I think like a 3 hour stint should do me right.

We bought a new TV. It is da bomb, da bomb, da bomb. I love it. Last night we watched Reno 911 the movie and then Stuibabe played Xbox while I wrote Thank You notes. Sometimes when I am writing the notes I am wishing that we didn't even get any gifts becuase I am sick of writing the notes, but then I remember that writing eleventy billion thank you notes is essentially paying for the T.V. so then I felt better.

Not much else is new, just the same old same old. I think next weekend we are going white water rafting. Just so you all know as I am writing this Stuibabe is singing in the shower. I think I just hear "Blast Off" and then some deet doot like robot sounds. Oh us married folk.

I found this vid, and thought it was HILARIOUS !!!

Friday, July 6, 2007

Us, in 30 years ........

If I end up half as cool as these people, I will die happy. I really feel like any one of these men could potentially be Heidi's dream man.


Monday, July 2, 2007

Overheard at the Airport

I almost forgot this! It was one of my favorite parts of the trip!!

Mormon Couple ready to leave on Honeymoon
Husband: Honey, I just know this is going to be a great trip,Today is President Hinckley's birthday.
Wife: Good thinking. Nothing can go wrong, the day is pretty much blessed.

Stuart and I: That is the funniest shit we have ever heard ha ha ha ha ha. Laughing continues for an extended period of time.

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Oh Crap, I'm Married.

So. I am back, and I am the new Mrs. Taylor. I am not just saying that, I really am that. Last night I did laundry and IRONED. That Iron Heidi gave me is the bomb. The Bomb. The Bomb. I ironed my face off. Seriously I think I ironed like 29 things.

Mexico was Muy Excellente !!! Ayye yi Yi! I honestly had the best time of my life. I wanna go back. Today.

We opened all our gifties. We got some sweet stuff. And Some super lame stuff. Apparently people think that when you get married you want to Crock everything. We got 3 crockpots for God sake. One was shaped like a foot ball and has a little goal post on it. And 1 was regifted from this girl at work who got married last month. She gave me the Jumanji of Crockpots. You can;t get rid of it. I tried to take it back to Wal Mart, those bitches take everything, not this! Then I did some serious internet research to try and find where I could unload this evil cooking omen and apparently it is non existent. No place carries it, it is discontinued. But I did find some reviews stating that the lid explodes, so at least it is safe! So now I have to find some other poor sucker to unload this thing on before it curses my life forever. We also got 2 bar sets. One from Pottery Barn, the card inside was address the "Jessica and Keven" Apparently someone got confused and thought I was marrying my Father-In-Law. But I will forgive them because they have good taste. I told Keven that we are not even splitting the gift, but he still needs to write the thank you card.

I sounds like some rull rull exciting stuff has taken place. When I heard about the dude ranch at first I was surprised, but then excited. It sounds cool. Like it could turn into some "Nobody puts baby in the corner" Dirty Dancing hott funn.

I will have more update later. Trust me, I have a feeling good stuff is gonna happen.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

All is now right in the world.

She is out. Like a light! If that is even the correct use of the expression.
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Lets be honest, I am really suprised that she even went to jail at all. What she needs is some community service and a strict regimen of antibiotics.

Anyway, I mostly just wanted to talk about it because I wanted to photoshop her face on that monopoly card.

You guys, I suck at blogging. Mostly because since I see everyone I feel like I am telling you whats up.But here is some stuff that I observed in the last few days:

Brett and Spencer probably should not have kids. Their babysitting skills are adequate but I think long term is a no go.

People at the gym should develop some water fountain etiquette. When you are filling your gallon jug at the drinking fountain, use the short one. I should not have to get down on my knees to slurp some water because your 'roid regimen requires that you drink several gallons of water per day.

I am a bad daughter and forgot my mothers birthday. Not that she did anything for mine, but I should strive to be a better person. Good news, Jana forgot it too. We both are bad.

I am great when I'm good, but better when I'm bad.

Heidi is the object of affection for a hot tank-wearing men. He thinks that she is trouble, walking around smelling good and looking good. I agree. She could really get in trouble.

I still want a bunny. And I am gonna get one. A baby one so I can mold it into the perfect rabbit citizen.

The wedding in 2 weeks from today and I am eating Reese's pieces. Listen. I make bad choices. You know how I roll. But lets be honest, if the dress doesn't fit I can totally just stop eating for a few days. Crackers and water you guys.

I am sup's exciting for the wedding. It is gonna be EXCELLENT!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

And then I was like "You're who now?"....

Seriously this weekend was totally the opposite of what I was expecting. And by that I mean it was kind of fun. I was expecting sour puss princess meany. But instead I got semi-sociable nice girl. I was very impressed. Maybe this whole in-laws thing won;t be as bad as I thought. Or perhaps this was a fleeting moment of niceness that is never to return. Either way I figure enjoy that while it lasts. So I did.

You guys we played Yahtzee. It was fun. I would do it again.

Yesterday I went to a BBQ B-day party for Stu's friend Anthony's boyfriend Cooper. Seriously had the best time ever. Only like 3 people got in the pool. I was one of them. I made a new BFF, he is 3. His name is Strand. He is super cool. We hung out. He is blonde so we connected right off. Us blondes, we roll together.

My friend Anthony is a gardener, he grows plants inside in a fancy closet that is like a greenhouse. He is also an excellent baker. He made some brownies that were sups delish. But I only ate like 1/2 because they were really rich.

I had such a good time that when Stuart dropped me off at my house at 7:45 I went to bed. Then I woke up at 11 and I wasn't even tired, so I watched a documentary on Ayer's Rock is Australia. Did you know that the Aboriginal name for Ayer's rock is Uluru? (say it like ooo-lah-roo).

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Look whats on TV late at night. Excellent.

Friday, May 25, 2007

I'd say that is money well spent.........

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I feel like this painting was commissioned by Trisha in honor of her dead rat.

This weekend we are heading up to the cabin with the Taylor fam. I am sure I will have all kinds of lunatic things to report on when we get back. You see the brother in law and sister in law to be will be there. So you can only imagine the wonderful things that will happen!!!

Wednesday, May 23, 2007


May favoutrite Overheard of the week:

Angry man on cell: Tell me where he is or no dessert!

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Submit! SUBMIT!

So in my internet trolling today I found this website:
Passive AGGRESSIVE notes

And I love it. It reminds me of my office.

I also read about this guy who responds to "I saw you's" on Craigslist. Guess what we are doing this weekend!!!! I feel like prank calling/ e-mailing will never not be fuuuuuuuunnnn.

I mean remember our friend from Facebook? That was hours of entertainment. "J-e-double f".

Sunday, May 20, 2007

The Core= 4

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And 4 is the Holy number of FABULOUS!!

Does that mean we are all going to have each others babies ? Probably not. But just so you guys know if you needed me to have your baby I guess I could. If I was compensated properly.

We are all 23.


5= Action

We all get action. Some more than others, ha ha ha. I love it. I am funny.

The core=4, new members= 0.


0= The All. Everything and Nothing.

We are the everything.
I love numerology. Someone call Lisa Lopes from beyond the dead and tell her thanks for introducing me to this. Nevermind, I will just do it myself later with the Ouija board. Anyone wanna come over?

Maybe Matt can summon her with his Bloody Mary's in the bathroom. Why the bathroom by the way ? Does the spirit come out of the plumbing ?

Look I did my name:
Jessica= 10+5+10+10+9+3+1=48=4+8=12=1+2=3

3=Communication/Interaction. Neutrality.
I guess that make sense. I like to chat and hang out. I suppose I neutral regarding some subjects. But really I am not. I have an opinion and I will tell you what I think. So that part is kind of off. But I suppose I am neutral when it come to things like, what are we doing tonight? or Where do you guys wanna eat?
So I guess that makes sense.

The Core= 4


And 4 is the Holy number of FABULOUS!!

Does that mean we are all going to have each others babies ? Probably not. But just so you guys know if you needed me to have your baby I guess I could. If I was compensated properly.

We are all 23.


5= Action

We all get action. Some more than others, ha ha ha. I love it. I am funny.

The core=4, new members= 0.


0= The All. Everything and Nothing.

We are the everything.
I love numerology. Someone call Lisa Lopes from beyond the dead and tell her thanks for introducing me to this. Nevermind, I will just do it myself later with the Ouija board. Anyone wanna come over?

Maybe Matt can summon her with his Bloody Mary's in the bathroom. Why the bathroom by the way ? Does the spirit come out of the plumbing ?

Look I did my name:
Jessica= 10+5+10+10+9+3+1=48=4+8=12=1+2=3

3=Communication/Interaction. Neutrality.
I guess that make sense. I like to chat and hang out. I suppose I neutral regarding some subjects. But really I am not. I have an opinion and I will tell you what I think. So that part is kind of off. But I suppose I am neutral when it come to things like, what are we doing tonight? or Where do you guys wanna eat?
So I guess that makes sense.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

I am slowly turning into a dude....

This weekend was filled with all kinds of dude stuff. Mostly things involving balls. Hey nasty. I mean sports. Including the Bee's game and the Jizzy Jazz. The Jazz win games, who knew. I sure as hell didn't but I do now.

Sorry that no one even likes that Sanjaya/Jacko video. I thought it was HILARIOUS!!!! I elle oh elled at least 3 times whilst watching it.

Mother's day was uneventful. I didn't see my mom. She was busy with her friends. Listen, it is her day. Do what you want. I am not even complaining. ha ha ha. We went to Stuibabes parents and hung out. Fun.

The wedding is coming along famously. I have sent the invitations. That was the hard part. Now I have to squeeze my fatass into my wedding dress. Oh shit. I keep putting it off thinking that I will magically shrink. Not working. I think I am just going to have to suck it up and get it done this week. Boo. Maybe I can get some lipo real quick. And a new set of jugs wouldn't hurt either.

I will keep you posted. As Matt has so delightfully mentioned, So You Think You Can Dance is starting soon. I CAN'T EVEN WAIT. I heart that show!! It really brightens my day. Lurve it. I feel like it would also be a great way to start up dinner club again. I would love to host. I can cook up something real genius-like. Someone gave me a casserole cookbook. I can bust out something like WHOA. You guys I made 2 cakes today. TWO! They were from a box, but still that is like 50% of my cake making experience in on day. And they turned out real real nice.

I used my pink mixer. It is hot. Stuart hates it. I love it.
When he sees what tasty things emminate from its pink hotness he will love it too.

Stuart thinks that I am blogging about him. I guess technically if you include the above comment I was. He has ESP. Or he can read.

Now he is contemplating why he painted a painting.

There Stuart. Now I am blogging about you. Congrats.

You know how you use different voices when you are impersonating someone? Stuart's Jessica voice sounds like a dumb skater guy. Awesome.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

AI for the gay guy....

I love Kraft ham and cheese lunchables!!

Michael Jackson Calls Sanjaya - Brought to you by Video Search

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Birfday Shout Outs !!!


I would call you and tell you happy birthday, but I thought this was more personal:
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Monday, April 30, 2007

Done, Done, Done..... and Done.

Schools out for the summer! Except for the test I have to take on Thursday. Then graduation is on Frideeee. I am so happy. I have an excellent dress to wear thanks to Brettles and Spencibabe.

You guys, I have only written 2 sentences and this blog is already BORING. I am boring myself. Crap. This is why I never update my shit.

In other news we had a bridal shower over the weekend and I scored a sexy pink mixer.
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Not that I even know how to cook, or what to do with this but God knows that I will try because I freakin love this beotch. Thanks Rae Bird !

Other highlights from the shower:
- During the pre-feast prayer Stu's grandpa forgot my name.
- Stu and I will soon have a niece or nephew because Eric's wife-to-be is already taking about wanting a baby. Sick me out.
- Bridal Showers= multitudes of salads. Endless salads

I had a small friendly get together at my silly apt. on Sat. I was just good old fashined fun. Except for the part where Brett, Trisha and Scott were watching porn together on my computer. That is when I kicked those sick-o's out. Lets be honest, they should all know better. I am, after all, the boss of Trisha. And I told her to stop so she should have stopped. No means NO you guys.

We are getting out engagements done tommorow night. Too bad I have nothign to wear. I hit up every store at the gateway. I even tried Nordstrom Rack and Target. So apparently we are either getting our pictures taken in the nude, or just wearing some old raggedy clothes we already have. I enjoy black things. I feel like I will wear black. Maybe just a sexy tee. I am just saying I have no clothes ok.

I am sucking at life right now. I am just saying.

Here are some additional vegas pictures.They are silly and I love it.
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I don't even know these people. Except for Tiffles. But I think those guys were there for this other kids bachelor party. So we were all friends.

Katch, Me and some cool kid named Max.

We all look naked ! We weren't, but how cool would it be if we were! That would be true Vegas style.

I like to call this photo "Jana......Whoa!" How gorgeous is this, I mean really.

I love it.

Well since I am at work, I guess I will do some work. But expect consistent updates for here on out. (What am I even saying. I am just setting myself up for failure. )
But really you guys, I am going to give it the old college try.

Last night I was watching Rev Run's House on MTV. And he said something really profound: It's not about competition, it's about completion.
And then I was like what the hell are you even saying dude. Or course it is about competition. Everyone LOVES to win. I know I do.

Have a magical day ya'll!!

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Camp McCampertons

Good news you guys. Moab is real real warm in May !! An average temp of 84 deee-greeez. That sounds gorgeous to me. We can lay around on red rocks like lizards and soak up the sunshine ! I pretty much think that we will be getting like the best tan ever. The average drive time is 4 hours and 20 minutes. I think we could make it in 3. We are excellent drivers.

You guys, I am in class and my man teacher just ut on an apron. Something big is going to happen. Earlier today he belted out a broadway tune, to me. Yeah Lucky I know. He sang a silly song and then held my hand.

Now he is making a meat pie. In a blender. OMG.

You guys he is crazy. He just put a banana and an egg in the blender and then he had a Barbie in tin foil. He unwrapped it, and then took off its head and then cut off all her hair and put it in the blender. Now he is cutting off Barbie's arms ya'll!!! AND HER LEGS !!!! This is so disturbing!!!! He added some red food coloring for effect. He just blended Barbie to DEATH!

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Marcus took a picture.

Thanks god I am graduating.

Thursday, April 5, 2007

This Just In........

D-Listed is my new favorite blog. I is silly. Funnier that that fat fuckin fatty Perez. I would make a link on here but I don;t know how to do that. I am ferfessional at Photoshop, not Bloggs. Just copy and paste it lazies.

Double Your Pleasure.....

I feel like that is an adequate quote for the month of April. I am entertaining other options, so fee free to expand.

You guys, I realized after the wonderful thing I did for Tricia on Friday night that I am a really nice person. Who else would do that for a friend? I mean that was hard work. Haaaaaarrrrddddd Work. I hope my efforts pay off for her on Friday night.

I have been thinking about my upcoming birthday and what to do, what to do ?? So many options. I feel like dinner and drinking are a given, but where ? I love Asian Star, but that is far far away. PF Changs was delicious later year, but maybe it is time for something new ??? Suggestions. I have to double celebrate my birthday because I feel like others with April birthdays (i.e. Matt) are less than jazzed about it. I figure it is gonna happen anyways so why not have a hell of a good time. I feel like The Hotel is a good birthday bash place, as well as Circle Lounge. I am scared of Mynt because I think that is for classy bitches, one of which I am not. I want to go somewhere fun, but not trashy. I like the Huka but that is also far far away. Since this is my last birfday before I move out west I want to keep it live and local. Kristaufs ? I need suggestions people.

I am getting my hair did on Saturday and maybe a mani-pedi. Then I think I will get some lunch with my mom. So that is my plan. I am just sayin.

New Topic:
LC and Jason's sex tape. I really hope that it is real!! I love it. Jason is such a trashy son of a bitch. I am glad he is in a hurry to get some cash before he goes to lock down. He can bunk with Joe Francis. Cell Block C's hottest couple.

The Job:
I thought working both jobs would be fun. Not so much. Basically I am doing 2 jobs in half the time. But the new job is exciting and I get to do lots of fun stuff. Plus I am sure I am going to get free stuff so that is sweet right ? Yeah. I will keep you posted. Plus I have the internet at work now, so maybe I will post from there.

So sorrs I missed Boston Legal and Wednesday night stir fry. I had to study ya'll. Really I should have skipped the gym and hung out with yous guys but I needed to work on my fitness, and when I try to cancel Sean is a jerk about it so I just suck it up and go.

I have made a suggestion to re-vamp the Vegas trip idea to scrap that and head to the beach in California instead. What do you think? Lets be honest, this is something I really want to do (go on a trip) but I am not sure how alls yous guys feel about it. I am thinking like the 3rd weekend in May. So not memorial day but the weekend before that. Or Memorial day I guess but everyone and their bitch will be at the beach then. I feel like we could work it out for $300 or less. I will do some research IF you guys are interested. I am just sayin' I know you are all busy so let me know so we can work it out. (Plus think about how going to the beach is like 37 free tanning passes, that is like 37 X $5= the best time ever. And I am pretty sure you can't drink booze in a tanning booth)

Remember how our picture was on the Hotel's website? That is embarrassing. Real embarrassing. We need to redeem ourselves some how.

You guys, I graduate in 3 weeks. I am Sups excited !!!!!!

I am great at life.........and photoshop.

Mostly photoshop.

Observe my excellence:
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